Frustrated

I am frustrated with myself. I do not understand why at the age of 58 I still struggle with being able to express myself without letting others overpower me with their strong wills and sharp tongues. I am still held captive by a need to please.

I have gotten stronger thru the years, but still find myself frustrated, angry at myself and others who take advantage of this.... I have to find a way to assert myself.

The most recent example is when I emailed my daughter-in-law (who I have correctly labeled a control freak) asking for birthday gift suggestions for my granddaughters upcoming 9th birthday. She replied but not with any suggestions but to inform me that they have decided to celebrate her birthday and halloween?at our place. Then giving me two dates to choose from!

I mention this to Hubby PIA and he doesn't bat an eye. Suggests the date he prefers since it will coincide with a visit from his sister.

It drives me nuts that this daughter-in-law just makes these plans and then expects everyone to fall in line with her decisions. I can also guarantee that at this time she will bring up Christmas. This has been a source of alot of angst as we try to agree where and when that will work for all of us. She will have already spoke with our children and have come up with all the details. ...
       and I just don't understand how the family Christmas has gotten away from us. The elders of this family. It has been my experience that my parents, his parents always told us when and where. Well, it was always their home, but they did inform us of date and time. We never took control. We found a way to be there.

I can't help but feel that our children do not respect us. They do not give us the respect that any parent should be given. We have three grown children. The oldest son does show us respect. Its the other two and the oldest son's wife that do not seem to know anything about respect.

First Day of Fall....................................................

Summer is nice, and we especially enjoyed the hot days we were able to get down to the cottage. Floating in the lake is so nice and relaxing.

I am ready for the season change and a slower pace.

I am excited about this blog which gives me the chance to say exactly what I think. I am so tired of censoring my thoughts. I am tired of worrying about offending everyone else in the world. I have two other blogs that I am not able to speak freely. I have not been writing regularly there either. I have lost my voice trying to censor my voice. I am hoping that being able to be free here then I will be able to write in those blogs once again. And enjoy it.

I am an easy going person. Usually patient - although as I get older my patience seems to get shorter. I am not an outspoken person. In a crowd you would not even notice me. With family and friends I am considerate and kind spoken. Unfortunately I seem to be surrounded by those who are much 'stronger' personalities and have a tendency to let them 'run over me'.

This is part of my personality that totally frustrates me. I am so tired of these strong personalities taking control. When I do try to be firm, take a stand then I get a verbal whiplash about how I am so impossible.

This is the beginning of my self guided counseling to obtain a voice.

Unofficial Blog Born

A new blog! ... I already have one 'official' blog, along with another that I assist our ever-popular Golden Retriever write. He's quite talented. This is my 'unofficial' blog. I can't tell you how happy it makes me!

I keep so much of 'real me' all deep down inside. Sometimes, not so deep. But inside, unless I am muttering under my breath. I can't share that official blog with you, because then my cover would be blowed. I would be exposed.

Here, I am going to say it all. To hell with worrying about anyone elses' feelings. This blog is about Me, and My Feelings.